OTHER THOUGHTS about Virgins in Paradise - Their Needs and Wants
Radical Islam’s virgins need a web site in paradise!
Various media sources have reported a reward in paradise of “seventy virgins” for suicide bombers and other martyrs of radical Islam. I recently profiled two Middle East guys in a crowded restaurant and took a nearby table hoping to hear something that might prove helpful to our Department of Homeland Security. They were discussing an Islamic virgin in Islamic paradise who lost her virginity to a man who wanted to have a family instead of blowing them up. From what I could hear she got tired of waiting for a suicide bomber husband and didn’t want to share him with sixty-nine others. Her defection to a single relationship was said to be well received by other virgins who preferred sharing a man with sixty-eight instead of sixty-nine. Actually, according to the Quoran, it’s “72 wives for every believer admitted to Paradise,” not just martyrs.
Perhaps it was my attentive manner that caused them to grab their half eaten pastries and move to a vacated table leaving me to ponder their muffin muffled comments.
The mass production of virgins in paradise in increments of seventy would require aggressive measures that might well include gender manipulated breeding, immaculate conceptions, fertility drugs and other mass virgin reproduction strategies.
Up ticks in suicide bombings would raise the prospect of a virgin supply and demand problem. So when a designated virgin bride of radical Islam strays into a monogamous relationship it might encourage others to do likewise, decreasing the incentive for young hormone stricken faith based bombers to detonate themselves in public.
A stampede of defecting virgins from paradise could shake the very foundation of radical Islam! A hereafter web site for virgins would enable them to discuss sexual frustration reduction strategies, aphrodisiac recipes, and other ideas for being competitive in their eternal quest for intimacy with that special martyred guy they hope and pray is, or becomes, a glutton for carnal relations.
On the flip side, the U.S. government’s anti terrorist efforts could include broadcasts, through the “Voice of America,” about ‘the joys of monogamy.’ However government health warnings about HIV and other multiple partner sexually transmitted diseases would likely fall on dead ears in an Islamic paradise, and do nothing to stop seventy Islamic women from sharing one heroic guy.
There is virtually no market for Viagra among female virgins. However, a guy with seventy or more wives will want something in his soup that can help him come more times than seventy wives can normally expect a man to come. Given such multiple marital responsibilities it is not likely that radical Islam’s suicidal heroes will be seeking intimate relations outside of marriage in an Islamic paradise. It could be liberating for Islamic women not needing to tent their bodies from the sexually weary gaze of well rewarded martyrs. To the contrary, many of these women will need to jump start their loss of virginity and contribution to the Islamic virgin reward pool. For Islam’s female suicide bombers, rewarded with seventy guy virgins, there are vaginal crèmes that can make accepting multiple rewards a lot easier. A web site for women in paradise is needed!
Research notes:
According to Islamic tradition, Sheikh Palazzi states there are 72 wives for every believer who is admitted to Paradise, not only for a martyr. The proof is in a Hadith (Islamic tradition) collected by Al-Tirmidhi in the Book of Sunan (volume IV, chapters on "The Features of Paradise as described by the Messenger of Allah," Chapter 21: "About the Smallest Reward for the People of Paradise," Hadith 2687).
Sheikh Palazzi added that it is also quoted by Ibn Kathir in his Tafsir of Surah Al-Rahman (55), verse 72: "It was mentioned by Daraj Ibn Abi Hatim that Abu-al-Haytham Abdullah Ibn Wahb narrated from Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri, who heard the Prophet Muhammad saying: 'The smallest reward for the people of Paradise is an abode where there are 80,000 servants and 72 wives, over which stands a dome decorated with pearls, aquamarine, and ruby, as wide as the distance from Al-Jabiyyah [a Damascus suburb] to Sana'a.'"
Various media sources have reported a reward in paradise of “seventy virgins” for suicide bombers and other martyrs of radical Islam. I recently profiled two Middle East guys in a crowded restaurant and took a nearby table hoping to hear something that might prove helpful to our Department of Homeland Security. They were discussing an Islamic virgin in Islamic paradise who lost her virginity to a man who wanted to have a family instead of blowing them up. From what I could hear she got tired of waiting for a suicide bomber husband and didn’t want to share him with sixty-nine others. Her defection to a single relationship was said to be well received by other virgins who preferred sharing a man with sixty-eight instead of sixty-nine. Actually, according to the Quoran, it’s “72 wives for every believer admitted to Paradise,” not just martyrs.
Perhaps it was my attentive manner that caused them to grab their half eaten pastries and move to a vacated table leaving me to ponder their muffin muffled comments.
The mass production of virgins in paradise in increments of seventy would require aggressive measures that might well include gender manipulated breeding, immaculate conceptions, fertility drugs and other mass virgin reproduction strategies.
Up ticks in suicide bombings would raise the prospect of a virgin supply and demand problem. So when a designated virgin bride of radical Islam strays into a monogamous relationship it might encourage others to do likewise, decreasing the incentive for young hormone stricken faith based bombers to detonate themselves in public.
A stampede of defecting virgins from paradise could shake the very foundation of radical Islam! A hereafter web site for virgins would enable them to discuss sexual frustration reduction strategies, aphrodisiac recipes, and other ideas for being competitive in their eternal quest for intimacy with that special martyred guy they hope and pray is, or becomes, a glutton for carnal relations.
On the flip side, the U.S. government’s anti terrorist efforts could include broadcasts, through the “Voice of America,” about ‘the joys of monogamy.’ However government health warnings about HIV and other multiple partner sexually transmitted diseases would likely fall on dead ears in an Islamic paradise, and do nothing to stop seventy Islamic women from sharing one heroic guy.
There is virtually no market for Viagra among female virgins. However, a guy with seventy or more wives will want something in his soup that can help him come more times than seventy wives can normally expect a man to come. Given such multiple marital responsibilities it is not likely that radical Islam’s suicidal heroes will be seeking intimate relations outside of marriage in an Islamic paradise. It could be liberating for Islamic women not needing to tent their bodies from the sexually weary gaze of well rewarded martyrs. To the contrary, many of these women will need to jump start their loss of virginity and contribution to the Islamic virgin reward pool. For Islam’s female suicide bombers, rewarded with seventy guy virgins, there are vaginal crèmes that can make accepting multiple rewards a lot easier. A web site for women in paradise is needed!
Research notes:
According to Islamic tradition, Sheikh Palazzi states there are 72 wives for every believer who is admitted to Paradise, not only for a martyr. The proof is in a Hadith (Islamic tradition) collected by Al-Tirmidhi in the Book of Sunan (volume IV, chapters on "The Features of Paradise as described by the Messenger of Allah," Chapter 21: "About the Smallest Reward for the People of Paradise," Hadith 2687).
Sheikh Palazzi added that it is also quoted by Ibn Kathir in his Tafsir of Surah Al-Rahman (55), verse 72: "It was mentioned by Daraj Ibn Abi Hatim that Abu-al-Haytham Abdullah Ibn Wahb narrated from Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri, who heard the Prophet Muhammad saying: 'The smallest reward for the people of Paradise is an abode where there are 80,000 servants and 72 wives, over which stands a dome decorated with pearls, aquamarine, and ruby, as wide as the distance from Al-Jabiyyah [a Damascus suburb] to Sana'a.'"
posted by guytoe at 7:26 PM
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