A 1950's Solar System Education Rendered Obsolete
My educated views on the solar system were acquired in exchange for tuition paid at ticket kiosks fronting cinema establishments advertising 1950's science fiction features. Just when I thought my education was complete NASA rendered it obsolete - repeatedly shooting off its mouth after shooting its probes and people into space.
When NASA sent up for snap shots, soil samples, and atmospheric tests it robbed our imaginations of what might have been.
A lot of folks got excited by the discovery of a “Mar’s rock” thought to contain fossilized worms. This so called ”exciting discovery” has downgraded global imagination about life on Mars to little more than the least of life on Earth, rendering extinct the imaginative creatures once scripted to roam the “angry red planet” of our mid twentieth century silver screens. The 1950’s “War of the Worlds” has been reduced to a potential “War of the Worms,” assuming Mars worms remain with intestines not petrified and fortitudes fortified to take on Earth worms.
Those who grew up on 1950’s science fiction cinema have had their imaginations robbed of:
a 1950’s Mars inhabited by: (a) invisible energy beings surfing radio waves to earth [The Day Mars Invaded Earth, 1962]; (b) triple eyed creatures triple eyeing earth’s Real Estate. [War of the Worlds, 1951]; (c) giant spiders, carnivorous plants and monster amoebas [Angry Red Planet, 1960]; (d) a civilization stuck in time and microscopic size [Wizard of Mars, 1965]; (e) a Mar’s girl seeking sperm donors from earth [Devil Girl from Mars, 1954]; (f) husky abductors in snug one piece green pajamas [Invaders from Mars, 1953]; (g) unidentified beings who only transmit when transmitted to [Red Planet Mars, 1952]; (h) a fat hairy primate with a bubble machine and attraction for earth girls [Robot Monster, 1953]; (i) an underground civilization with men in tights and girls in mini skirts [Flight to Mars, 1951]; (j) scaly monsters with flesh shredding claws [“IT,” The Terror from Beyond Space, 1958 ].
a 1950’s Venus inhabited by: (a) the extinct remnants of a super advanced civilization [First Spaceship on Venus, 1962 ]; (b) hormone enriched high tech sex kittens with attitude [The Queen of Outer Space, 1958]; (c) humanoids with galactic intellects in striped pants [Stranger from Venus, 1959]; (d) fat carrot headed creatures with fangs that release mind control bat gizmos [It Conquered the World, 1956]; (e) scaly creatures that can grow infinitely large in earth’s atmosphere [20 Million Miles to Earth, 1957]; (f) girls heard but not seen [Voyage to a Prehistoric Planet, 1965].
a 1950’s Neptune inhabited by conquest driven invaders with pointed helmets and substandard martial arts skills [Invasion of the Neptune Men, 1963].
a 1950’s Uranus inhabited by an alien brain that projects man’s worst fears and best dream girls [Journey to the Seventh Planet, 1962].
a 1950’s Moon inhabited by: (a) caterpillar monsters and humanoids with spears [First Men in the Moon, 1964]; (b) authentic beauty queens in black leotards [Catwomen of the Moon, 1954]; (c) telepathic women ruled by a telepathically superior evil queen [Missile to the Moon, 1959]; (d) a mysterious underground civilization seeking married couples from earth [Twelve to the Moon, 1960].
a 1950’s Jupiter moon inhabited by beautiful girls sacrificing their own to an ugly brute with big teeth and a large appetite seeking the squirming screaming meal of his dreams [Fire Maidens of Outer Space, 1955].
a 1950’s Asteroid inhabited by an advanced civilization of tiny people navigating their high tech space rock through space [The Phantom Planet, 1961].
The boring revelations of science depicting a life barren solar system force our imaginations to stretch light years to imagine what could once be imagined a rocket ride away in our own cosmic neighborhood! Current space craft technology would take nine months to get to mars and seventy thousand years to get to the nearest star. “The experts” suggests it will be decades before we have hazy telescopic insight into planets further out that are candidates for harboring life and alternative receptacles for the content of our imagination.
However, notwithstanding the so called accomplishments of NASA and its foreign counter-parts, some 1950’s and early 1960’s cinematic speculations about what exists out there or visits here have yet to be disproved, as evidenced by the following: (1) a one eyed octopuses in water proof flying saucer seeking relocation space in earth’s oceans [Atomic Submarine, 1959]. (2) a dark blue flying saucer wandering aimlessly about without pilot or stated purpose [The Bamboo Saucer, 1968]. (3) a small extraterrestrial flying contraption that can make noise everywhere in the middle of nowhere [Beast with a Million Eyes, 1955]. (4) a floating ET brain seeking human head space and world domination [Brain from Planet Arous, 1957]. (5) floating flitting light balls containing alien brains that inhabit middle age humans [Cape Canaveral Monsters, 1960]. (6) a cosmic man able to exit and enter his golf ball space craft via light beams [The Cosmic Man, 1958]. (7) cosmic rays that enlarge insects and diminish humans [Cosmic Monsters, 1962]. (8) high elevation one eyed ETs able to turn humans into freeze dried zombies [The Crawling Eye, 1958]. (9) an astronaut’s severed hand that has a hand in multiple murders [The Crawling Hand, 1963]. (10) a bulky slow moving ET comprised of rags, tarps, and carpets that consumes slow moving people [The Creeping Terror, 1964]. (11) an invisible space monster able to suck up urban landscapes [Dagora, 1965]. (12) falling veggie space things able to blind and eat humans and take over their space [The Day of the Triffids, 1962]. (13) ET cops authorized to police Earth’s nuclear impact on other planets [The Day the Earth Stood Still, 1951]. (14) light weight ET’s in laser equipped saucers [Earth VS the Flying Saucers, 1956]. (15) aliens ‘flying under the influence,’ intoxicating teens via fingernail syringes [Invasion of the Saucermen, 1962]. (16) outer space effects that turn men into monsters [First Man into Space, 1959]. (17) a gooey space creature able to board orbiting earth craft for a menacing visit to earth [Flame Barrier, 1958]. (18) a man eating space bird projecting an anti matter shield that can deflect the military’s best efforts [The Giant Claw, 1957]. (19) ugly space aliens that assume the likeness of eligible bachelors and marry their women [I Married a Monster from outer space, 1958]. (20) an ET force field able to isolate one neighborhood from the rest [Invasion, 1966]. (21) veggie space pods able to assume the likeness of humans and destroy the originals [Invasion of the Body Snatchers, 1956] (22) invisible ET invaders able to inhabit dead humans and play hide seek and destroy with the military [Invisible Invaders, 1959]. (23) one eyed ET’s that land like meteors in meteor looking space craft [It Came from Outer Space, 1953]. (24) ET’s with bulging eyes able to tunnel under nuclear test sites and make our world their world [Killers from Space, 1954]. (25) a gigantic ET vacuum able to suck up Earth’s energy for take out to another planet. [Kronos, 1957] (26) a low flying ET friction missile that can turn cities to toast. [Lost Missile, 1958] (27) a marauding planet X seeking an earth takeover [Man from Planet X, 1951]. (28) dead planet aliens squat on mars then on the moon and now they want to squat in Japan [The Mysterians, 1957].
The list goes on and science still has a lot to answer for!
When NASA sent up for snap shots, soil samples, and atmospheric tests it robbed our imaginations of what might have been.
A lot of folks got excited by the discovery of a “Mar’s rock” thought to contain fossilized worms. This so called ”exciting discovery” has downgraded global imagination about life on Mars to little more than the least of life on Earth, rendering extinct the imaginative creatures once scripted to roam the “angry red planet” of our mid twentieth century silver screens. The 1950’s “War of the Worlds” has been reduced to a potential “War of the Worms,” assuming Mars worms remain with intestines not petrified and fortitudes fortified to take on Earth worms.
Those who grew up on 1950’s science fiction cinema have had their imaginations robbed of:
a 1950’s Mars inhabited by: (a) invisible energy beings surfing radio waves to earth [The Day Mars Invaded Earth, 1962]; (b) triple eyed creatures triple eyeing earth’s Real Estate. [War of the Worlds, 1951]; (c) giant spiders, carnivorous plants and monster amoebas [Angry Red Planet, 1960]; (d) a civilization stuck in time and microscopic size [Wizard of Mars, 1965]; (e) a Mar’s girl seeking sperm donors from earth [Devil Girl from Mars, 1954]; (f) husky abductors in snug one piece green pajamas [Invaders from Mars, 1953]; (g) unidentified beings who only transmit when transmitted to [Red Planet Mars, 1952]; (h) a fat hairy primate with a bubble machine and attraction for earth girls [Robot Monster, 1953]; (i) an underground civilization with men in tights and girls in mini skirts [Flight to Mars, 1951]; (j) scaly monsters with flesh shredding claws [“IT,” The Terror from Beyond Space, 1958 ].
a 1950’s Venus inhabited by: (a) the extinct remnants of a super advanced civilization [First Spaceship on Venus, 1962 ]; (b) hormone enriched high tech sex kittens with attitude [The Queen of Outer Space, 1958]; (c) humanoids with galactic intellects in striped pants [Stranger from Venus, 1959]; (d) fat carrot headed creatures with fangs that release mind control bat gizmos [It Conquered the World, 1956]; (e) scaly creatures that can grow infinitely large in earth’s atmosphere [20 Million Miles to Earth, 1957]; (f) girls heard but not seen [Voyage to a Prehistoric Planet, 1965].
a 1950’s Neptune inhabited by conquest driven invaders with pointed helmets and substandard martial arts skills [Invasion of the Neptune Men, 1963].
a 1950’s Uranus inhabited by an alien brain that projects man’s worst fears and best dream girls [Journey to the Seventh Planet, 1962].
a 1950’s Moon inhabited by: (a) caterpillar monsters and humanoids with spears [First Men in the Moon, 1964]; (b) authentic beauty queens in black leotards [Catwomen of the Moon, 1954]; (c) telepathic women ruled by a telepathically superior evil queen [Missile to the Moon, 1959]; (d) a mysterious underground civilization seeking married couples from earth [Twelve to the Moon, 1960].
a 1950’s Jupiter moon inhabited by beautiful girls sacrificing their own to an ugly brute with big teeth and a large appetite seeking the squirming screaming meal of his dreams [Fire Maidens of Outer Space, 1955].
a 1950’s Asteroid inhabited by an advanced civilization of tiny people navigating their high tech space rock through space [The Phantom Planet, 1961].
The boring revelations of science depicting a life barren solar system force our imaginations to stretch light years to imagine what could once be imagined a rocket ride away in our own cosmic neighborhood! Current space craft technology would take nine months to get to mars and seventy thousand years to get to the nearest star. “The experts” suggests it will be decades before we have hazy telescopic insight into planets further out that are candidates for harboring life and alternative receptacles for the content of our imagination.
However, notwithstanding the so called accomplishments of NASA and its foreign counter-parts, some 1950’s and early 1960’s cinematic speculations about what exists out there or visits here have yet to be disproved, as evidenced by the following: (1) a one eyed octopuses in water proof flying saucer seeking relocation space in earth’s oceans [Atomic Submarine, 1959]. (2) a dark blue flying saucer wandering aimlessly about without pilot or stated purpose [The Bamboo Saucer, 1968]. (3) a small extraterrestrial flying contraption that can make noise everywhere in the middle of nowhere [Beast with a Million Eyes, 1955]. (4) a floating ET brain seeking human head space and world domination [Brain from Planet Arous, 1957]. (5) floating flitting light balls containing alien brains that inhabit middle age humans [Cape Canaveral Monsters, 1960]. (6) a cosmic man able to exit and enter his golf ball space craft via light beams [The Cosmic Man, 1958]. (7) cosmic rays that enlarge insects and diminish humans [Cosmic Monsters, 1962]. (8) high elevation one eyed ETs able to turn humans into freeze dried zombies [The Crawling Eye, 1958]. (9) an astronaut’s severed hand that has a hand in multiple murders [The Crawling Hand, 1963]. (10) a bulky slow moving ET comprised of rags, tarps, and carpets that consumes slow moving people [The Creeping Terror, 1964]. (11) an invisible space monster able to suck up urban landscapes [Dagora, 1965]. (12) falling veggie space things able to blind and eat humans and take over their space [The Day of the Triffids, 1962]. (13) ET cops authorized to police Earth’s nuclear impact on other planets [The Day the Earth Stood Still, 1951]. (14) light weight ET’s in laser equipped saucers [Earth VS the Flying Saucers, 1956]. (15) aliens ‘flying under the influence,’ intoxicating teens via fingernail syringes [Invasion of the Saucermen, 1962]. (16) outer space effects that turn men into monsters [First Man into Space, 1959]. (17) a gooey space creature able to board orbiting earth craft for a menacing visit to earth [Flame Barrier, 1958]. (18) a man eating space bird projecting an anti matter shield that can deflect the military’s best efforts [The Giant Claw, 1957]. (19) ugly space aliens that assume the likeness of eligible bachelors and marry their women [I Married a Monster from outer space, 1958]. (20) an ET force field able to isolate one neighborhood from the rest [Invasion, 1966]. (21) veggie space pods able to assume the likeness of humans and destroy the originals [Invasion of the Body Snatchers, 1956] (22) invisible ET invaders able to inhabit dead humans and play hide seek and destroy with the military [Invisible Invaders, 1959]. (23) one eyed ET’s that land like meteors in meteor looking space craft [It Came from Outer Space, 1953]. (24) ET’s with bulging eyes able to tunnel under nuclear test sites and make our world their world [Killers from Space, 1954]. (25) a gigantic ET vacuum able to suck up Earth’s energy for take out to another planet. [Kronos, 1957] (26) a low flying ET friction missile that can turn cities to toast. [Lost Missile, 1958] (27) a marauding planet X seeking an earth takeover [Man from Planet X, 1951]. (28) dead planet aliens squat on mars then on the moon and now they want to squat in Japan [The Mysterians, 1957].
The list goes on and science still has a lot to answer for!
posted by guytoe at 5:50 PM
1 Comments:
haha, nice blog... its a real champ!
-YFL
deathbymuffins.blogspot.com
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